The Reality of Cancer

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I've been very quiet on the blog front for a long time.

Firstly because I've had no time what with juggling two jobs, a social life, time with my family... Secondly because I just haven't known what to blog about.

Today, however, I have taken the day off work on 'Compassionate Leave' to care for my Granny. For those of you who don't know - Granny was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in April/May time. It has been a horrible few months... Times in hospital, lots of tests, lots of Morphine, a week or so spent in Willen Hospice.

During her time at the Hospice, I took her for an appointment with the oncologist (Cancer Doctor). He had decided that there would be no more treatment. The reason given was 'The quality of life was now more important than the quantity of life'. This broke me. It meant that they'd given up on the cancer. They weren't going to make her better. She wasn't going to get better.  Her 'quality of life' was more important than keeping her alive for longer.

I grieved. I grieved for the long life my Granny won't have. I grieved for the great grand children she will never meet. I grieved for the memories that we wouldn't end up making together. 

And then I pulled myself together and decided that her 'quality of life' was more important than me. I acted normal with her. I took her shopping, I said she was annoying me when she was and I confided in her, just like I always have done. When I sat across from her one day in Cafe Nero it dawned on me that I had spent an entire day with her without even thinking about cancer. Yes, she was tiny, yes she was sat opposite me in a wheelchair and yes - she had no hair. But she was still my Granny. The diagnosis of cancer can consume you and others around you and it can become all you think about... But for that afternoon I hadn't thought about it - I had just spent the afternoon with my Granny.

A couple of months on, I have spent the last week caring for Granny. Calling Doctors out to see her, calling Willen for advice...rubbing her back whilst she vomited. It is in the last week that I have remembered just how poorly my Granny truly is. She has not eaten in a week, and has not been able to keep her medication down. This means that her pain is becoming unbearable and my genuine fear right now is that she has had enough.

As I write this she is curled up on the sofa asleep. I have just got off the phone to a wonderful nurse at Willen Hospice who has put her on the waiting list and it is likely that she will be admitted there tomorrow morning. 

I urge you to cherish every healthy moment with your grandparents. My Granny is my world and has brought me up - and I am ever so grateful to have her in my life. Below are images of just how much can change in the space of exactly one year - Life is short.
My graduation 19.10.16

Today - 19.10.17

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